The Good Girl Rebellion

Do You Care If You’re Likeable?

I recently listened to a Fearne Cotton podcast about being likeable:

“Fearne’s been thinking a lot lately about how much of her life she’s spent people-pleasing as a result of wanting to be liked.”

It immediately brought to mind Michelle Minnikin’s brilliant book Good Girl Deprogramming.

Thinking about this subject always brings with it a wave of childhood flashbacks.

Memories of being praised for being ‘polite,’ ‘helpful,’ and ‘easy’. I was a ‘good girl.’ Of course I was. That’s how I was raised to be.

I did what I was told. I said the right things. I smiled when I didn’t feel like it. And I got very good at blending in, smoothing things over and not making a fuss.

I learned that being likeable was the goal.

The Likeability Trap

Let me ask you something:
Do you care if people like you?

I think most of us do, on some level. But when you grow up being rewarded for how good you are how selfless, tidy, agreeable and compliant then it starts to shape how you measure your worth.

When I hit my teenage years, I started testing the rules. I gave in to peer pressure. I tried things I shouldn’t have. I followed the crowd. I made some poor choices but I also learned who I could trust. And deep down, I still thought being ‘nice’ would keep me safe, liked and successful.

The Problem with Being a “Good Girl”

One of the biggest problems with being a ‘good girl’ is how easy it makes you to manipulate.

You put everyone else first.
You don’t speak up.
You feel guilty for setting boundaries.
You ignore your gut to ‘keep the peace.’

And then, years later, you realise that all of this has come at a cost, usually to your voice, your confidence, your identity and your sense of self-worth.

Good Girl Syndrome Isn’t a Diagnosis

While it might sound like a condition, ‘Good Girl Syndrome’ is just a term for the patterns many of us fall into because of our upbringing, the media, our communities and the messages we’ve internalised since we were small.

Things like:

• Striving for perfection (in work, appearance, parenting, everything).

• Saying yes when you mean no.

• Feeling responsible for everyone else’s feelings.

• Playing small. Avoiding conflict. Over-apologising.

For me, it shows up in my perfectionism and never-ending need to achieve. I attach my worth to accomplishments, always raising the bar, always feeling like I need to do more. Even when I do well, it doesn’t feel like enough.

Waking Up at 30

For me, it started around age 30.
The questioning.

The slow realisation that being ‘likeable’ and being yourself don’t always go hand in hand.

I started to advocate for myself. I started challenging the rules I’d followed my whole life. I stopped saying yes to things that didn't feel right to me.

I’m still a work in progress. But I’m not chasing ‘good girl’ gold stars anymore.

You Don’t Have to Be a Bad Girl Either

Let me be clear: I’m not saying you should be a rebel for the sake of it.
I still value kindness, thoughtfulness, compassion.

But I also value truth. And boundaries. And knowing your worth.

We’re not here to become the most palatable, non-offensive, agreeable versions of ourselves.

We’re here to be real.

What This Means for Our Daughters

If you’re a mum (like me), then you’ve probably already thought about how these patterns pass down.

I want my daughter to know that her worth isn’t in being ‘pleasing.’
That she can speak up and say no.
That she doesn’t have to shrink herself to fit someone else’s expectations.
That she is allowed to take up space.

We get to show them that ‘being good’ doesn’t mean being quiet and obedient.

It means being kind. Brave. Boundaried. Self-respecting.

The Rebellion Starts Small

The good girl rebellion doesn’t have to be loud or dramatic.

It starts with one boundary.
One no.
One moment of choosing rest over performance.
One time where you say, ‘I don’t agree.’

You don’t have to be liked by everyone.
You don’t have to be ‘good’ by their definition.

You just have to be true to who you are and that is more than good enough.

Does this resonate with you? Are you unlearning the ‘good girl’ habits too?

Let me know in the comments!

Love Sophie XoXo